Fatherhood in Singapore: Being Present in a Fast-Paced World

In Singapore, speed is a way of life. We move fast. Through MRT queues, office meetings, school waitlists, hawker stalls. But for parents serious about parenting, somewhere between the KPI dashboards and Grab rides, a quiet question sneaks in: Am I really present for my children?

It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times, especially since becoming a father of two boys.

The Pressure to Perform

Living and raising a family in Singapore means navigating high expectations. We’re told to give our kids the best: enrichment classes, dual-language fluency, the right preschools. At work, we’re expected to be switched-on, fast-moving, and always available. And in between? We’re trying to be good husbands, friends, and sons too.

It’s no surprise that many fathers feel stretched thin. For some of us, “being home” just means showing up physically, exhausted and distracted. But presence is something more intentional than just proximity.

Rediscovering What It Means to Be Present

The other day, my two-year-old broke into a Mandarin song he must’ve learned in school, complete with hand gestures and his own little remix of the tune. Neither my wife nor I speak Mandarin, so we just looked at each other, amazed. It was one of those moments that made me pause. He’s learning, growing, becoming his own person, and it’s all happening so fast.

These moments remind me just how quickly kids grow. Blink, and their world shifts. What seems small to us is huge to them. And their milestones aren’t just theirs, they’re mine too. Children are like sponges. They absorb everything: words, gestures, moods, habits. As a father, I feel the weight of that. It’s my responsibility to fill their lives with the right things, the right values: honesty, patience, kindness, etc., because if I don’t, someone else will. The world isn’t short on influencers: social media, celebrities, even well-meaning peers. But I want my sons to have something deeper. I want to be there to help shape their hearts, not just for today, but for the men they’ll one day become.

Being present does not mean adding more to the calendar, but approaching ordinary moments with fresh eyes. Slowing down, noticing your child, his strengths, his inclinations, listening and responding with intention. Presence isn’t about doing more, it’s about being more aware, more deliberate, and ultimately, more human.

A Day in the Life: Anchoring the Chaos

Like many working dads, my day is full. I’m up at 7:30 AM. My eldest needs to be out the door and off to school by 8:30. I’m in the office by 9:30, and I try to leave no later than 6:00 PM. That couple of hours between work and bedtime, that’s my most protected window. We have family dinner, talk about the day, wind down with a bath, and play hide and seek or read books at bed time. It doesn’t matter that it’s the same favourite story book every night or that toddlers don’t really know how to hide. I know that they appreciate these moments spent together and it makes an impact in the long term.

Some people might call this work-life balance, but for me, it’s more like daily anchors. These are small non-negotiables that keep me rooted in what matters. I may not have long stretches of leisure, but I do have the power to shape our shared time. Even five minutes of focused attention can mean the world to a child.

Why Fatherly Presence matters (too)

Fatherhood isn’t just a supportive role: it’s a distinct one. According to child psychiatrist Dr. Kyle Pruett, whose research at Yale is compiled in his book Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child: children benefit from the unique way fathers engage with them.

For example, while mothers often provide comfort and emotional reassurance, fathers tend to encourage frustration tolerance, or grit, which is an essential element of developing problem solving skills. Fathers let a child struggle just enough to learn resilience. I’ve seen this in small ways at home. When my toddler can’t quite get his shoe on or his toy to work, my first instinct is to help, but often I hold back, watching him think it through. Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he doesn’t. But every time, he grows.

Pruett also highlights the developmental value of rough-and-tumble play (i.e. the piggyback rides, tickle attacks, pretend wrestling, etc.). What looks like chaos is actually helping kids build physical confidence, regulate emotion, and connect with their dad through movement. For us, it’s playing “monster” in the living room, or doing cannonball jumps in the pool. These moments aren’t just fun, but formative.

These are things only I can do as their father. Not better than what my wife brings, just different, and equally essential. Our presence shapes their world, their confidence, and even how they’ll show up one day for their own families.

Building Habits of Presence

Slowing down doesn’t come naturally, especially while juggling young kids and busy jobs. Here are some habits that help me stay grounded:

1. Park the phone at the door

When I walk through the front door, I try to leave the digital world behind, at least for a while. That means putting my phone on the shelf and not checking my messaging apps during time together. My son has a story to tell, and even if it’s just about the playground, or the airplane (again), or who got a sticker in school, it matters. These stories are his way of saying, “This is my world, Daddy! Are you listening?”

2. Make the small routines sacred

Not every moment with our kids has to be an “activity.” Sometimes, presence shows up in the ordinary: bath time, drying hair, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth. These little rituals, done with care and attention, become anchors in their day. I try to turn these routines into moments of bonding, not just chores to tick off. A silly song during bath time or a “goodnight” in three languages, these are the things they’ll remember.

3. Ask questions and really listen

Toddlers have a way of catching us off guard. Ask them what they liked most about their day, and you might get a one-word answer, or a five-minute story about a snail they saw on the pavement. I’ve learned to ask open-ended questions and then just pause and appreciate how they express their own inner life and how it grows. Wait. Let them lead the conversation. These early conversations lay the groundwork for bigger conversations in the future: the day they come to you with questions about fairness, friendship, failure, and they trust you’ll still be listening.

We’re in This Together

I used to worry about the cost of raising kids in Singapore. I don’t just mean dollars and cents. The housing, the childcare, the school choices, the mental load. It can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re the kind of person who likes to plan things out, tick boxes, and keep things under control.

But what gave me courage wasn’t a checklist or a spreadsheet. It was my wife.

From the beginning, we knew we were in this together. Different in personality, but united in purpose. She brings drive, energy, and structure to our home; I bring calm, focus, and presence. And somewhere in between, we figure it out, day by day. Whether it's taking turns with night feeds, managing meltdowns, or cheering each other on when one of us feels like we’re running on empty, we carry the load together.

No dad has it all figured out. But parenting isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being willing to show up, to grow through the mess, and to love consistently, even when it’s hard, even when it’s quiet. That’s what presence really means. And that’s what our children will remember.

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About the writer:

Martin is a husband, father of two young boys, and a software engineer based in Singapore. He spends his days balancing work, family life, and learning what it means to be a present parent. For him, the small everyday moments are where the real growth is.

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